{evolve}

I don't know when it happened.

When my girls were little (def. any time before they were in school)
we would head to the mall often...
not to shop, but to attend programs...
and play in the play area.

I would go almost every week.
I met lots of new moms.

Today I needed to get the little man some new jeans.
He's growing... and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

It's been forever since I have been to the mall and probably years since I stopped to let Jack play in the play area.

For some reason today I stopped and let him run around for 15-20 minutes.
(he is the black blur in the background)

While I was sitting there 5 ladies came and sat next to me and I realized. (and eavesdropped)
"I am past this stage."

3 of them were pregnant and they were all there with their 3 yr old, 2 yr old, or infant children, talking about the things that new moms talk about. Things that no longer interest me... diapers, poop schedules, how many hours their kids slept in a row, the difficulties of the pregnancy, how the sibling will relate to the new baby... and on it went.

It hit me again. "I am past this stage."

I don't even know when it happened. I didn't fit in this moment. Sure my little man was having a great time. But the change was in me.

I am no longer in the midst of babyhood & toddlerhood... I am in the midst of teenage hormones, homework, piano lessons, sports, pathfinders, sex education, and lots of chaos.

How did this happen?

It is so different this time around. Jack just goes with the flow.

I guess I forgot a little what it was like with my 4 baby girls 5 and under... To be honest I don't really remember a lot about the first couple years with all of them... I just remember being thankful to have my kiddos and how lucky I was to be home with them, how all their outfits needed to coordinate, and their hair fixed up ... I remember feeling like I couldn't do anything except change diapers & do laundry. I remember the pressure to try and get it right and not ruin my kids. I remember meeting friends at the park or mall because i needed to get out and "vent" about poop, ear infections, sleep cycles, nursing, etc.

Some things have certainly changed... and some are the same.

There is more rain now...

Laundry. more now than ever.

I no longer care about hair or coordinating outfits.

I know I don't have it right... and therefore do not pressure myself to be perfect. I just pray I don't screw my kids up too terribly.

I thankfully am no longer nursing... or changing diapers. (true story: over spring vacation the girls were talking about boobs and one of the younger ones said "when you grow big ones like mommy you can milk them.." Seriously??? OH MY WORD... the conversation went downhill from there and included Jack saying "you wearing a bra emma?")

I would like to just state for the record that 4 year old boys should not have the word "bra" in their vocab. And my children should not be allowed to say "milk them" Just saying. I am still having nightmares from this conversation!

I am still thankful that I am able to spend most days at home with Jack... and be available for my girls when they need me. Run the household. Shop for groceries. Prepare meals. Support my husband & spoil him. Take part in some pretty wonderful programs at church and school. Encourage friends.

The need is still the same to have good supportive friends who love you despite your shortfalls & shortcomings. I still need to feel connected, understood, and loved. The need is still there to talk with people about the struggles I go through with parenting, school, and sports.

At the end of every day I am still a wife, daughter, mother, sister, aunt, friend, worker, & child of God. I have have feelings and emotions and hormones. (lots of hormones)

Somehow I am {evolving} right before my eyes... and I didn't even know it.

Devotional Thought:
"Be still in my presence, even though countless tasks clamor for your attention. Nothing is as important as spending time with Me. While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you: transforming you by the renewing of your mind. If you skimp on this time with Me, you may plunge headlong into the wrong activities, missing the richness of what I have planned for you. Do not seek Me primarily for what I can give you. Remember that I, the Giver, am infinitely greater than any gift I might impart you. though I delight in blessing My children, I am deeply grieved when My blessings become idols in their hearts. Anything can be an idol if it distracts you from Me as your First Love." -Jesus Calling - Sarah Young