Thursday, December 29, 2011

Marjorie Ada Jordan Pfannmuller

August 5, 1917- December 29, 2011

Today was a sad day.

Today I watched my Grandmother take her last breath.

I have never watched anyone die before.

I hope I never have to do it again.

Don't get me wrong, I am super thankful that I have been able to be here and have this time...

I just don't think I want to watch someone die again.

It is pretty emotional when you realize that life as you know it will never be the same again.

I wonder if my kids are going to be traumatized.  Sam was playing her favorite piano pieces as she breathed her last... the others were in the other room playing the wii... but they all knew.

The crazy thing is that she almost held on until December 30th which is the same day that her husband,  my grandfather passed away.  I wonder if she was holding out for that all along.

December 5th was the day she started feeling badly... and 3 weeks and 4 days later she is gone.

Last Friday she asked to go outside, so my cousin lifted her from the bed and we got her in the sun for 30 minutes...  I snapped this photo with Emma.
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On Sunday  I captured this one...
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The rest of the time she was here...
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Sam & Kirsten read her scriptures...
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I could go on and on... and I think when I get home I will do a post to Grandma as a testament to her and her amazing life.  But tonight, too much grief & emotion.  One second I am fine the next I am crying.  All I know is this life is precious and most people don't have the chance to live it as fully as my Grandma did.  She loved God above all else and her family was a close second.

I miss her already.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Update

We arrived safely in La Quinta last night.

I can't tell you how nice it was to hug my hubby and my kids, to see my parents, brother & his family, and see my Grandma still here.

It is not sunny.  In fact it even sprinkled a bit today.  Is God sending tears for us & for my dear friend who lost her father Thursday night to Pancreatic Cancer?

The rain didn't stop the kids from spending hours in the pool...  All the cousins are so happy to be together.  Today 12 of them were here today playing and enjoying the moment.  (there are 20 all together... with one more on the way)

Tomorrow is my 17 year anniversary.  It is bittersweet this year.  I want to go celebrate but I want to be here with all my family near Grandma.  How do you celebrate when you feel sad?

It is very difficult to watch someone you love so dearly slip away right in front of you.

A few weeks ago Grandma was building ramps for Jack to run his monster trucks, walking around, taking care of her basic needs.  Today she lays in a hospital bed with oxygen, catheter, can't feed herself, wasting away.  She is mostly bone & skin.  Sleeps almost all day.  I almost cry every time I see her.  Honestly I really do.  Life continues to move on around her, with the kids swimming and playing the wii.  My cousin and I putting together a puzzle.  It is only a matter of time and I think she is waiting for a couple more people to get here before she can go.

Tonight one of my cousins got here and surprised us all.  We had no idea she was coming and Grandma had been asking us if she was coming and we would reply "yes she is coming, she is on her way"  but we had no idea whean...  So when she showed up I cried, tears of Joy that Grandma was able to see her, and tears of sadness because we know what is coming.

Hug those you love & tell them you love them.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Christmas {fls} style

First...
a photo of my girls from their handbells performance last night.
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{love} all those kids... but was especially proud of my girls.

Last night...
Check out my fb update... my Emma has been doing some crazy sleep walking stuff.  Tonight she is asleep in my room.  Hopefully she has no great adventures planned!  Setting of the house alarm in the middle of the night is more excitement than I can handle!

My blackberry died.  I had a meltdown in the parking lot of verizon.  So at this moment I am borrowing Sam's phone... and browsing my options through verizon.

Now for tonight...
Probably hands down my favorite evening of any month.

Flashlight Literary Society Book Club.  I know I post about this each month and some of you may tire of it... but frankly I don't care.

Over the last 3 years each of these ladies has woven a spot into my heart.  We are finally now at a place were we can be comfortable in our own skin, and relax in the moment.

Tonight was fabulous and the amazing Tanna had famous deep dish pizzas flown in from CHICAGO!!!

They were amazing.  I think I gained 5 lbs tonight alone!

Anyway, I will let the photos speak for themselves.  But I will let you know that every year on Christmas we do a Book Gift Exchange.  It is so much fun and we each get to read something new.  I had two books taken from me before I ended up with mine, but I am thrilled with what I ended up with!  

Just us girls... with our new Christmas books.
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food.
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the amazing Tanna.
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gifts under the tree.
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girl time.
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perfect Christmas shot.
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the reveal :)
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love, love, love book club.

Prayer requests today:
1.  Oma
2.  Bryon Lauderdale surgery tomorrow for gall bladder.
3.  My dear friend April as her dad is dying from pancreatic cancer.
4.  My sanity on my last sub day... that holiday spirit was in true form today!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Happy Birthday Ninja.

Tomorrow, December 14th is my ninja friend, Lisa's bday.

I must blog about this event tonight becasue tomorrow is Book Club and I may not have time.

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Our friendship is hard to describe.
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We are the kind of friends who don't see or talk to each other in months... but think about each other every day.

The kind of friends where you {love} everything about their immediate family.
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even if 3 of them are SC fans.

You wish you were actually family... and pray that your children will marry so you have an excuse to get together on any given holiday!
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I will take either boy... or both, not gonna lie.

We both love to cook... and love pdub.  (Pioneer Woman for all you who don't know!)
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We LOVE to read.
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(no makeup... lounged on the couch... very typical)

We love to shop.

We love to drink coffee... actually a latte....
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We can occupy the same space and not need to talk, just hanging out is enough... and usually in pjs.

We enjoy movies.

Our kids.

Our spouses.... and our lives.
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We think we are the funniest people around.
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We have made it through the highest of highs... and the lowest of lows.

Only drawback about the friendship is that it is 2 states away.

So Lisa, since I can't pop over tomorrow to celebrate...this post is in honor of your birthday tomorrow.
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You are beautiful inside and out.  You are loved.

Can't wait to see you in the next week or so...  and we will celebrate!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Almost There

This morning Josh headed off with the 3 youngest to La Quinta.
He sent me a picture of the plane...

I guess Jack was loving it... so it had to be the Oregon one or the Disney one.

Disney.

This reminds me of how much I miss the dude when he is not around.
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There are no random little corners of toys...  I almost died when I saw this cuteness.

Anyway.

Back at the ranch (aka school) I hung out with all his kiddos for a day filled with PE fun.

And then just in case the day wasn't fun enough I had our Pathfinder unit party at my house tonight...
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Sometimes I worry about myself.  How much is too much and when do all the balls drop?

Thankfully tonight miss martha came over... her real name is Judy... but I like martha.
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She is very creative that way and always talks to me in this calm voice that makes everything seem better.  I bet she could give me the worst news ever and it would sound calming.  Tonight she whipped up and double batch of PW dough and the kids made their own pizzas...  It was divine.  I especially liked the 2 I made for myself.

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mine

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martha's

the girls
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food, games, presents, & friends.
I think it was a good night :)

but I still miss these guys...
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(after losing a bet on the SC/OR game)

I am almost there.  Friday is just around the corner.

P.S.  If you are hurting... God loves you no matter what.
Saying some extra prayers for you tonight.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Tis the Season...




Today was crazy.

Like insanely busy.

Tis the season for Christmas programs.

Today Janet & I directed a Christmas Pageant of sorts for our church service.

There was piano, singing, acting,  hands in motion, scripture, and narrating.

And... a lot of little kids.

Last night when we had rehearsal I was convinced that it was going to be an absolute nightmare today.  The kids had the wiggles, there were music mishaps... Pretty much things were not looking good.

But as is the case with our amazing God I woke with peace that it would all work out and it did.
The program went well and a lot of kids had the opportunity to share their gifts with our church family.

Of course I had Josh video... and I wanted to have him take a few pictures, but I left the CF card at home on my desk.  Not the first time I have done that unfortunately :(  At least this time I have video!

When I walked through the doors of the church this morning one of the pastors wives stopped me and said "Rick and I got up this morning and prayed for you."  If that doesn't start your day out well I don't know what will.  Knowing that others are lifting you in prayer... priceless.

Today was also Josh's first day out and about.  

He was pooped out by the time we got home.

During the mini break we had between the two programs Sam and some of her friends went out with 2 of our Pathfinder leaders to a few homes that the girls, while on Walk & Knock last Sabbath, found might need some extra help this Christmas.  They wanted to bring food etc... but we didn't want to show up with food before asking their permission.  So they headed back to the homes, knocked on the door and offered a helping hand.

Sam said it was an incredible experience and that the leaders were crying and the people were crying.  They do need help, and they would appreciate some food.  So this Monday night our Pathfinders bring their donations and then these kids will go and deliver the food to the families sometime over the next week.  I say praise God that these 8th grade girls saw a need while collecting food last weekend and brought the idea to the leaders, and they said yes let's help.  How awesome to see our kids stepping up in our own community, and by this seeing how they can make a difference.  
I am so moved by this whole situation.

After that it was time for Sydney & McKenna's school Christmas Program, #2 on the day.
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(just fyi... Sydney is wearing heels... she is not yet taller than McKenna!)
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Which I must say was FANTASTIC!  Love my kids school!  

After that it was time for a couple drop offs... Sam to a bday party, and Emma's friend Mariah got dropped home.  Laundry.  Paying bills.  Sorting through the mail.... and can someone please tell me why this task takes SO long?  Ugh.

The most important news of the week is Oma/(my Grandma)Photobucket
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We nearly lost her on Wednesday night.

Without going into all the details by the grace of God she held on.  She is now safely in La Quinta with my parents and other loved ones.  Hospice is there keeping her comfortable.  

The prayer at this moment is that she can make it for at least another week so that we can all be together.  Josh & some of the kids fly down on Monday... and I fly with a couple other kids on Friday.  My brother & family get in on Thursday.  

Praying for the best, but dealing with the reality that I may soon be saying goodbye to someone I love dearly, and who through the years has had a major impact on my life and the lives of my children.

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Please join me in praying that this amazingly beautiful woman, on the inside and out, hangs on until we all get down there.

So with all the emotions of regular life, add Christmas Programs, surgery, & illness...

and this is what I really want to do...
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hmm... fall asleep laying beside my man.  
Good thing someone in my family got to do it!

cars, "babies", blankets and all :)
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Tomorrow.
Early morning basketball practice.  Laundry.  Packing up 4 peeps.  Relaxing.  (I hope)

Thank you all for the prayers.  
And Judy... your home is a sanctuary.  I love it.